The willingness to meet painful feelings

Loving yourself is not just about reminding yourself you are lovely.

It also means being willing to meet your painful feelings.

And that can be quite challenging ;-)

Because sometimes our painful feelings are clear, but often they seem to float just under the surface.

The reason is that we all have our ways to dismiss our own fear, our feelings of unworthiness or shame. It is like an automatic reaction that kicks in when we start to feel less than somebody else. Or threatened in some way.

We tend to ignore our hurt, get cynical and angry towards others or get lost in the belief that we are a total failure. In fact, we build a wall around our hurt in order not to feel it so much.

It is not such a good trick, because we still feel shit and now forgot why.

So what is the loving thing to do when you do not know why you feel bad? When you are caught in a “I don’t feel good but let’s soldier on” mood?

Listen harder. Take your time, allow all your feelings to speak up, also the ones that dismiss your hurt.

the irritation that wants your sadness to be quiet

the self hatred that tells you you are a failure 

the anger that tells you it is the fault of so and so

Come to clarity about why you feel shaky, depressed or lost. 

Dig up that toxic belief that you mistakingly kept on believing and that’s keeping you feeling small and worthless, even today. It always lies at the bottom of our suffering.

I am not lovable

I have no right to be here

I am a burden to others

And when you found it, all you need to do is open your heart to that unloved spot and fill it to the brim with your compassion, your warmth. Take care of it, finally, and embrace it with all your love. It will feel so good!