Sunday

Since I try to post some words every Sunday (and it happens to be Sunday today), I am now sitting at the kitchen table, thinking of something to write. 

Often, when I search inside myself for inspiration, something bubbles up, like a little pocket filled with something that wants to be expressed. A thread, a line, a feeling charged with a promise.

But now, after having worked in the garden all day, there is nothing there. 

No theme, no intention, no deep thought.

My mind is filled with images of the weeds I pulled out, of the sun through the leaves, the cobwebs I removed from the windows. I can still hear the sound of a distant lawn-mower, the panting of my dog who followed me everywhere, birds, bumble bees, far-away planes high in the sky. 

So this is it.

A story of dirt, weeds, sun, spiders and air.

Nothing the mind can cling to. 

What a lovely, peaceful day!

Fear

Fear is a silent intruder.

It comes in through the backdoor without making a sound and suddenly seizes you in its icy grip.

Crumbling your foundation

bringing down your walls of safety

leaving your body in a state of panic.

An unwelcome guest, fear is!

Such a relentless force.

But then again,

a powerful teacher as well.

Fear forces you to go beyond your old ways, your set ideas about yourself.

It exposes your hiding places, your mind constructions.

It will find them all.

You won’t be able to wear your mask to the world any longer.

You won’t be able to pretend, or keep your true feelings hidden.

Your body is no longer able to cover up for you.

Fear forces you to surrender to your inability to control life.

Your inability to be someone you are not.

Your inability to hide yourself or believe in your own lies.

Fear, in the end, crushes your house of cards,

but when you are willing to lose it all,

it will leave you naked,

empty-handed

in the deep safety of your true self.